btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
