I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
