He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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