i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
