Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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