Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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