I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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