My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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