i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize