Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
