You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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