dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
