hotel room ftw
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
