Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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