Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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