Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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