I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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