dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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