I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
