As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
