I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
