party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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