i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
