I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
