Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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