I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
