Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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