Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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