dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
