Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize