I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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