They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
