Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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