my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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