She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
