So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
