Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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