i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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