wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
