I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
