Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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