I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
