Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
