he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
