Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
