She even gives head with a lisp.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
