Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
