My friends, they love my intelligence
I will die if light touches me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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