its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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