so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
