there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
