his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
