Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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