phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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