The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
