How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
