So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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