I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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