yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
