what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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