4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
