She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
