she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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