dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
