Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Operation Purity has been aborted
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
