remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
