she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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