The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
