i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
