quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
