Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
