Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
And then he peed in my hair
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