Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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