I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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