So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
