you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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