think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
