New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Randomize
