party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
