One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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