I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We left the knife in your bed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
