Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
