I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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