There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
