Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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