Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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