dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
