hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
