ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
