I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
