look no pants
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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