i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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