Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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