Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
