I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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