You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
