my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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