When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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