I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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