Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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