something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
