i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
