I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
